Well y’all, it happened. One of the things I had most feared, but didn’t think would happen for a while. Something that will be etched in my brain forever.
My baby fell off of the changing table.
Edit- she did not merely *fall*. She apparently took the Olympics to heart and tried her own backwards free dive off of the 3 ft. platform while the lifeguard was picking out an outfit in the closet. I know that I should have been there. Josh and I have even had conversations on how she is becoming more mobile and therefore we need to watch out. I have read multiple times that you have to strap your baby down or have one hand on them at all times when on the changing table. In that moment, I wasn’t thinking. I was tired, and I definitely underestimated the strength of my daughter. Because even though she can’t roll yet, she sure can push those little legs. Although I am glad it was on my watch, it’s hard for me to forgive myself.
I guess I should go ahead and let y’all know that she is fine, I took her to the pediatrician and she said everything is perfect and she didn’t see anything to be concerned about.
It was around 9 am on Wednesday, just a few hours after Josh had left town on business(great timing!-insert eye roll emoji-) and I had carried her into her room, plopped her on the changing table, and went to pick out an outfit in her closet. Not 30 seconds later, I heard a bang. I didn’t even have to look to know that it was her that had fallen off and not the wipe warmer or the lotion. I shot around the door as fast as I could and saw her laying on the floor face-down and my heart just sank. I yanked her up and hugged her and said “I’m sorry” about a million times, tears streaming down my face and hers, and praying to God that she was OK. She and I just held each other and cried literally for 5 minutes and then I composed myself enough to think clearly and examine her for any abnormality. I called the doctor and brought her in, just to be sure. The doctor checked her out and almost laughed at me, probably because I would start crying the minute I even thought about what happened. She told me that this time was the first of many, and it happens to the best of us. I wanted to believe her, I did. But I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that it does happen, way too many times in a child’s life.
I fell as a baby, and I’m sure I fell as a toddler, and I was a really fearless child, as most are, so I fell all the time. However, I felt like the worst mom ever for letting that happen to her. I felt like she looked at me and wondered why I wasn’t there to protect her. I’m worn out from watching her like a hawk for the past 48+ hours, but I’ve finally just accepted that I cannot continue to blame myself and feel like a bad mom. So many friends have texted me, comforting me, and I am so thankful for friends that are also mothers and understand that these things happen. Too often, I think it’s expected for moms to be perfect. We need to realize though, that we all make mistakes and at the end of the day, our kids turn out perfectly fine! We need to stick together and be there for one another so that we don’t put all the pressure on ourselves and end up with chest pains.
I’m also comforted in the knowledge that my baby is surrounded my angels that watch over her. I know they were there when I wasn’t, and she doesn’t have a single scratch or bump on her innocent little body. I pray over her every night that God will protect her and keep her out of harms way, and that He will shield her from sickness. I believe that he does that and that he definitely had my back on Wednesday and protected her. I think of all the things that could have happened from the fall but didn’t, and I am just so thankful.
Now to tuck my new gray hairs in and wait for more to pop up, as new scares and worries come with parenthood. I welcome them because they’ll make me wiser, and one day, I’ll be one of the experienced mom’s saying “You’ll make it, mama.”