Sleep. Everyone told me when I was pregnant with both of my daughters to “sleep while you can!” and at that point in my pregnancy, I was ready for them to come into the world and I already wasn’t sleeping great so I thought it couldn’t get much worse. I actually thought I would sleep better since I wouldn’t be so uncomfortable anymore and then I’d have a reason to be awake at 2:00 in the morning instead of needing to pee for the 5th time or needing to move my restless legs, or just a racing mind. You know, all of those pregnancy related joys.
You may notice that I said with both of my daughters I thought I would sleep better, and no, they are not twins. It really is true that you forget most of the bad things about birth and the first months of your child’s life. Probably because you’re sleep deprived, at least that’s what I’m claiming. We found out we were pregnant with our second daughter when our first was a year old and sleeping great. So, by the time our second was due, I had totally forgotten that it took almost a year to get to the great sleep, and that I was sleep deprived for months.
I have several friends that have children and it seems like most of them sleep great. I don’t understand. I’ve read all the articles and blogs on how to sleep train your children, and how to get them to sleep through the night at 2 days old. Just kidding, I’ve never found that one. But maybe I’m just a wimp. I hate hearing my babies cry. That’s why it took 8 whole months to sleep train our first daughter and I cried the first couple nights with her. I loved sleep as a baby, child, teen, and adult. I don’t understand why neither of my babies like sleep! I always say they have FOMO(fear of missing out), because I do too, and I make light of it but it’s really frustrating. I’m waking up at least every 2 hours and the youngest is still sleeping in the bed with us. We’re totally bed-sharers over here and we did it with our first too and it’s the only way I seem to get any shut-eye.
Lack of sleep makes the mind think crazy thoughts, or think no thoughts at all. I went to grab the scissors the other day to cut a tag off, and grabbed the lighter instead and almost started a fire. Should I admit that? I should. I’m being real and that’s about as real as it gets. I’ve done several other really stupid things, but I don’t remember. Because, sleep. Another thing it does is make me frazzled and on edge about anything. My poor husband has to deal with my dramatics as it is, he doesn’t need my no-sleep-drama too. I seriously get so sassy without sleep and I get upset over the smallest things. It’s almost like being pregnant again.
I occasionally let the tiredness become exhaustion and then I’m just looking to pick a fight. My husband works a full-time job to provide for us, and to allow me to stay at home with the girls. I’ve unfortunately argued with him several times on who is more tired. But the thing is, we’re both tired and for good reason. We can both be tired and no one has to win, because really we’re both losing. It’s so hard sometimes for both parties I think to realize that it’s hard staying at home with kids all day and never having a break, and it’s also hard to work at a desk all day and have meetings and then a long commute to and from work. Luckily for me, my husband is very understanding(that I’m an occasional turd) and also forgetful, so he doesn’t hold it over me.
I just have to remind myself that this is just a phase in our life and it will pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later because this mama is whooped. I know I can’t be the only mama out there that doesn’t sleep, so I hope this hits home for someone and I hope that you know you’re not alone. As mamas we have to support each other; so next time you see a mama with her hair in a legit messy bun(not the stylish ones), leaking milk on one side, with spit up running down her sleeve, just give her a smile and an understanding nod. You’ll make it, mama!